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What
is family mediation?
Family Mediation is any negotiation about a family conflict
that includes a mediator as a guide. This might be a prenuptial
or post separation situation, or something during a relationship
such as a conflict with a teenager. People work through the mediation
process at finding a healthy way to negotiate (as distinct from
bullying, manipulating or avoiding the issues).
Their goal is an outcome with which they are content.
What are the steps?
There are two basic approaches to family mediation. The
parties can have a lawyer with them as a coach, or can attend on
their own. When both sides decide to participate in mediation, the
mediator helps with scheduling and preperation. At the actual mediation
sessions, the parties agree on which issues should be addressed,
and then engage in a full discussion aobut those issues. That leads
to negotiations with the goal of finding something acceptable to
each party.
What is the approach?
At Peacebuilder Mediation, it is assumed that there are different
dimensions to conflict and to conflict resolution. The three dimensions
of conflict are
1. action (things done),
2. emotion (feelings),
3. cognition (understanding).
The parties are invited to choose the dimension at which they want
settlement. For example, if they want resolution at the level of
the "emotional dimension", then it is assumed that they
intend to negotiate until the result feels fair to each side. If
they are working towards a prenuptial agreement, they may want to
achieve a deeper level of resolution, in which they each understand
and are reconciled to what is important to the other side. So different
situations and different conflicts involve different approaches.
At Peacebuilder Mediation, it is important that the parties agree
on what is an appropriate way to approach their particular dispute
or issue.
What does the mediator do?
The mediator is the guide through the exercise. That starts
with making sure each side understands what a mediation is, and
prepares. At the mediation, the mediator will keep the environment
at an appropriate level, will keep people moving ahead, and generally
will help people move from their state of impasse to where they
are willing to negotiate and look for resolution. The mediator will
help structure the final agreement.
Who prepares the agreement?
In some cases, the lawyers write up the terms of settlement,
while in others, it is the mediator. The parties then fulfill the
terms that have been reached. Under no circumstances will the mediator
witness the execution of the agreement, and in all cases, the mediator
will recommend that the person signing have independent advice and
sign in front of a lawyer. This provides protection for both the
person signing, and for the other side.
Is this confidential?
Each family mediation starts with the parties and mediator
signing an agreement to mediate. That agreement makes it clear that
except where a court orders, the details of the mediation are strictly
confidential.
How should I prepare?
The point of a mediation is a guided negotiation. You will
need to have the facts organized and ready to present. That will
involve understanding the issues that are important. For example,
if assets are at issue, then a list of assets, and a common valuation
date needs to be prepared. A negotiation works best for those who
are able to explain what is important, and who can acknowledge what
is of value to the other side.
How many meetings?
Different mediations vary in length, depending on complexity,
the degree of emotions, and the number of issues involved. With
lawyers present, two sessions may be enough. Where parties choose
to attend on their own, they should expect an initial private meeting
of 30 - 60 minutes, and then at least 2 - 4 further sessions of
2 hours.
Why should I mediate instead of going to court?
Studies have shown that court is not ideal for most family
cases. Judges make decisions, instead of encouraging people to find
their own answers. When it comes to children, or to moving onto
a new life, people are often much more satisfied if they can make
their own decisions, and chart their own course. Also, in many cases,
it is necessary for parties to maintain a relationship (because
of children, or for many other reasons). The court process drives
people apart instead of letting them figure things out in a way
that each side can live with. Also, mediation can be quicker, less
stressful, less expensive, and provide a deeper level of resolution.
How do I get a mediation started?
You can get Peacebuilder Mediation to approach the other
side, or you or your lawyer can invite the other party. You might
refer them to this web site. Also, Peacebuilder Mediation has an
e-brochure which you can request for yourself or for forwarding
to the other party.
Feel free to telephone, and ask for Wayne Plenert at Peacebuilder
Mediation. The call is without obligation, and until both sides
agree to use mediation, there is no cost.
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